I Feel Sorry for Trouble if it Runs Into Those Kids

Every few months or so, Steve and I seem to end up at places that make us walk out at the end of the day muttering "We never want kids". And it just so happened that this article, "No Brats Allowed! Is American society increasingly intolerant of tots?" (via MSNBC) happened to coincide with one of our recent visits and I found it amusingly interesting that I wasn't the only one who was thinking this.

The basic premise is that many stores and restaurants are essentially discriminating against children for being just that: children. As a result, the idea is that American society, as a whole, seems to lean towards the old "children should be seen and not heard" idea.

The problem with a subject like this is that most people never see the gray area. In general, you either "hate" kids or love them. You see a lot of that, actually, on the message boards connected to this article. There's so much hostility between those who think EVERYONE should love their kids just because they're kids and that they should be allowed to act "like children" and those who don't like being disturbed by children during a nice dinner or a movie.

Well, I'm here to discuss the gray area. I choose not to have children at this point in my life. I'm too self-centered still and frankly, I don't want that responsibility. The idea of children, I think, appeals to me more than actually having them (because seriously, a cute newborn baby is so much more adorable when you can give them back). But that doesn't meant I don't LIKE children. As a matter of fact, I find a lot of them fascinating. I love watching the little ones interact with their parents. I love seeing them learn new things and frankly, who can resist that baby smell of powder and just, baby! *grins*

The two problems I have, as a person who has decided to live in this society without children (for now), both seem to stem more from "bad" parenting than from "bad" children.

Problem one: parents who assume that just because something is "child-oriented" that they don't have to watch their children, enforce manners or that they automatically have the right of way because they HAVE children. One of the things Steve and I love doing is exploring very nature/science/learning-oriented places: aquariums, nature parks, swamps, museums, and so on. Most of them are oriented towards children and that's fine, we completely prepare ourselves for that. But here's the thing: I paid the same amount to get into the place that you did. The only difference is that I'm actually interested in learning something whereas you are only here to keep your children from driving you insane in the house on a rainy day. I absolutely refuse to stand by while you and your girlfriends chat on the benches off to the side of the exhibits and in the meantime, your children are running around like little freaks and bumping into me or shoving me so that they can squeeze in to see. Now, before you say horrible things about me, I am very considerate of children when I go to places like this. I stand behind the front row so that the little ones can get in and see, I wait my turn before the kids because I am adult and I am better at being patient than they are and there are even times when I will get down on their level and point out something they haven't seen or read a sign to them, something that their parents could be doing if they paid attention to them.

I've also been in situations where I've waited to see an exhibit until a group of kids had gone away and I could get up close and a mother will come and plop her toddler on the ledge right in front of me and let her walk back and forth. Or even worse, where we've had to shuffle through a crowded hallway or a small room and over five people have bumped into me with strollers and not one person uttered an "Excuse me" or "I'm sorry". I remember we went to the Franklin Institute once and almost EVERY "working" exhibit was broken because parents had just let their kids loose to run and bang on them and yank all the levers out and such.

On the flip side, I do love watching the well-behaved kids with genuinely interested parents at places like this. I love watching the wonder on their faces and the squeals of delight when they touch something. Or seeing how excited they get when a big turtle or sharks swim by right in front of them. I love just seeing them learn things like that.

One of the most brilliant things I ever saw was at the National Aquarium in Baltimore, where strollers were NOT allowed. It made for such a smoother and more enjoyable experience because I didn't have people running those things into the back of my ankles or cutting me off at the knees.

Problem two: parents who think that their children should be allowed ANYWHERE because kids will be kids and they are entitled to have nights out, regardless of where they are going. Situations like that are even more annoying than the ones above because those situations warrant my frustration, especially when children are where they aren't supposed to be.

I don't see G (and rarely PG) rated movies in theatres because frankly, I have no interest in them and because I want to enjoy a quiet theatre-going experience. So here's the thing - when you bring your young children to a PG-13 or an R rated movie, and I tell you to keep them quiet or take them out of the theatre, don't give me a dirty look like your children have a right to be there. They don't! Sitting in a dark theatre for two or more hours with nothing on the screen that could remotely keep their attention is no where for any child under five to be (and I almost lean towards under 10, at times). I came out to the movies to enjoy them and I paid to watch my movie in peace and when your child ruins my movie, I am not a happy person.

Even more, when I'm at a nice restaurant where I'm paying a significant amount of money to enjoy a quiet meal, I don't need you kid screaming at the top of their lungs or running in circles around my table or kicking the back of my chair (no lie, had that happen before). If I decide to go to more family-oriented restaurants, then fine, I don't care. But if the place is nice enough to where there are dress codes and no one speaks above a whisper, then you need to consider getting a baby-sitter.

I'm not saying parents should be stuck at home until the kids are old enough to stay by themselves. Everyone deserves a night out. But a night out in places like that should constitute just adults. The decision to have a child involves a lot of good stuff and a lot of sacrifices - some of those being that you get a babysitter or your forsake evenings out.

Some of the other places I've seen this is libraries, bookstores and stores in general. I expect a bit of rambuctiosness, even more so in department stores, but I also expect you to keep your kids in check. I was taught, as a child, to keep quiet in a library, why can't you teach your child that? There's nothing wrong with talking, but when they're running up and down the aisles and throwing things and running into me, then there's something wrong.

Chidren are not accessories and it's people who treat them as such that are the problem. They're cute, they're adorable but just because they are kids does not mean they have the right to run all over the rest of the world. It is your job as parents to teach them right from wrong, good manners, etiquette. And everyone expects kids to have their moments. Hell, I've seen them with my little brother. But when those moments comprise your child's entire social experience, then perhaps something else needs to be done.

Just last week, Steve and I were out fishing on the pier and this couple came up with two adorable little boys, about five and three. The boys were very quiet and just sort of watched in awe as we fished. They were polite and asked questions and said "Excuse me", "please" and "thank you". They stayed back with their parents until we sort of beckoned them forward to look at the fish. On normal weeks, there are usually other sets of kids out there who run around the pier with no shows on, bang around, scream and yell and knock our stuff into the water. Their parents just let them do whatever they please while they hang out and laugh and drink beer and fish.

Overall, please don't take this as a I-HATE-KIDS post. I love kids. I'm used to kids (my little brother was born when I was 13 - best birth control EVER!) and their crazy attitudes and mood swings. As a matter of fact, I'm even used to badly behaved kids because said little brother has a lot of developmental and behavorial issues that make him an absolutely uncontrollable bear. At the same time, even though he wasn't MY kid, I was well aware that there were places we didn't go because he was a young child and because we knew it would keep his attention or that he would disturb other people. When we did go places with him, we made sure he knew better not to knock into people or if he did, by accident, to apologize. We made sure he knew his manners and could be at least semi-well-behaved.

Unfortunately, though, I don't know if there will ever be a common ground. Because those parents will never see their behavoir as rude and will never teach their kids that it's rude. And they'll always look down on people who want a simple amount of respect because they see having their kids as entitlement. Having kids does not make you special, it just gives means you have a different lifestyle.

I will never expect children to act like an adult in all situations and you shouldn't either. But you shouldn't expect them to act like civilized people and if you going to places where that just isn't going to happen, then leave them at home or stay home all together.

I don't expect much, I just expect a little of respect and common courtesy from others. Is that so much to ask?