Every few months or so, Steve and I seem to end up at places that make us walk out at the end of the day muttering "We never want kids". And it just so happened that this article, "No Brats Allowed! Is American society increasingly intolerant of tots?" (via MSNBC) happened to coincide with one of our recent visits and I found it amusingly interesting that I wasn't the only one who was thinking this.

The basic premise is that many stores and restaurants are essentially discriminating against children for being just that: children. As a result, the idea is that American society, as a whole, seems to lean towards the old "children should be seen and not heard" idea.

The problem with a subject like this is that most people never see the gray area. In general, you either "hate" kids or love them. You see a lot of that, actually, on the message boards connected to this article. There's so much hostility between those who think EVERYONE should love their kids just because they're kids and that they should be allowed to act "like children" and those who don't like being disturbed by children during a nice dinner or a movie.

Well, I'm here to discuss the gray area. I choose not to have children at this point in my life. I'm too self-centered still and frankly, I don't want that responsibility. The idea of children, I think, appeals to me more than actually having them (because seriously, a cute newborn baby is so much more adorable when you can give them back). But that doesn't meant I don't LIKE children. As a matter of fact, I find a lot of them fascinating. I love watching the little ones interact with their parents. I love seeing them learn new things and frankly, who can resist that baby smell of powder and just, baby! *grins*

The two problems I have, as a person who has decided to live in this society without children (for now), both seem to stem more from "bad" parenting than from "bad" children.

Problem one: parents who assume that just because something is "child-oriented" that they don't have to watch their children, enforce manners or that they automatically have the right of way because they HAVE children. One of the things Steve and I love doing is exploring very nature/science/learning-oriented places: aquariums, nature parks, swamps, museums, and so on. Most of them are oriented towards children and that's fine, we completely prepare ourselves for that. But here's the thing: I paid the same amount to get into the place that you did. The only difference is that I'm actually interested in learning something whereas you are only here to keep your children from driving you insane in the house on a rainy day. I absolutely refuse to stand by while you and your girlfriends chat on the benches off to the side of the exhibits and in the meantime, your children are running around like little freaks and bumping into me or shoving me so that they can squeeze in to see. Now, before you say horrible things about me, I am very considerate of children when I go to places like this. I stand behind the front row so that the little ones can get in and see, I wait my turn before the kids because I am adult and I am better at being patient than they are and there are even times when I will get down on their level and point out something they haven't seen or read a sign to them, something that their parents could be doing if they paid attention to them.

I've also been in situations where I've waited to see an exhibit until a group of kids had gone away and I could get up close and a mother will come and plop her toddler on the ledge right in front of me and let her walk back and forth. Or even worse, where we've had to shuffle through a crowded hallway or a small room and over five people have bumped into me with strollers and not one person uttered an "Excuse me" or "I'm sorry". I remember we went to the Franklin Institute once and almost EVERY "working" exhibit was broken because parents had just let their kids loose to run and bang on them and yank all the levers out and such.

On the flip side, I do love watching the well-behaved kids with genuinely interested parents at places like this. I love watching the wonder on their faces and the squeals of delight when they touch something. Or seeing how excited they get when a big turtle or sharks swim by right in front of them. I love just seeing them learn things like that.

One of the most brilliant things I ever saw was at the National Aquarium in Baltimore, where strollers were NOT allowed. It made for such a smoother and more enjoyable experience because I didn't have people running those things into the back of my ankles or cutting me off at the knees.

Problem two: parents who think that their children should be allowed ANYWHERE because kids will be kids and they are entitled to have nights out, regardless of where they are going. Situations like that are even more annoying than the ones above because those situations warrant my frustration, especially when children are where they aren't supposed to be.

I don't see G (and rarely PG) rated movies in theatres because frankly, I have no interest in them and because I want to enjoy a quiet theatre-going experience. So here's the thing - when you bring your young children to a PG-13 or an R rated movie, and I tell you to keep them quiet or take them out of the theatre, don't give me a dirty look like your children have a right to be there. They don't! Sitting in a dark theatre for two or more hours with nothing on the screen that could remotely keep their attention is no where for any child under five to be (and I almost lean towards under 10, at times). I came out to the movies to enjoy them and I paid to watch my movie in peace and when your child ruins my movie, I am not a happy person.

Even more, when I'm at a nice restaurant where I'm paying a significant amount of money to enjoy a quiet meal, I don't need you kid screaming at the top of their lungs or running in circles around my table or kicking the back of my chair (no lie, had that happen before). If I decide to go to more family-oriented restaurants, then fine, I don't care. But if the place is nice enough to where there are dress codes and no one speaks above a whisper, then you need to consider getting a baby-sitter.

I'm not saying parents should be stuck at home until the kids are old enough to stay by themselves. Everyone deserves a night out. But a night out in places like that should constitute just adults. The decision to have a child involves a lot of good stuff and a lot of sacrifices - some of those being that you get a babysitter or your forsake evenings out.

Some of the other places I've seen this is libraries, bookstores and stores in general. I expect a bit of rambuctiosness, even more so in department stores, but I also expect you to keep your kids in check. I was taught, as a child, to keep quiet in a library, why can't you teach your child that? There's nothing wrong with talking, but when they're running up and down the aisles and throwing things and running into me, then there's something wrong.

Chidren are not accessories and it's people who treat them as such that are the problem. They're cute, they're adorable but just because they are kids does not mean they have the right to run all over the rest of the world. It is your job as parents to teach them right from wrong, good manners, etiquette. And everyone expects kids to have their moments. Hell, I've seen them with my little brother. But when those moments comprise your child's entire social experience, then perhaps something else needs to be done.

Just last week, Steve and I were out fishing on the pier and this couple came up with two adorable little boys, about five and three. The boys were very quiet and just sort of watched in awe as we fished. They were polite and asked questions and said "Excuse me", "please" and "thank you". They stayed back with their parents until we sort of beckoned them forward to look at the fish. On normal weeks, there are usually other sets of kids out there who run around the pier with no shows on, bang around, scream and yell and knock our stuff into the water. Their parents just let them do whatever they please while they hang out and laugh and drink beer and fish.

Overall, please don't take this as a I-HATE-KIDS post. I love kids. I'm used to kids (my little brother was born when I was 13 - best birth control EVER!) and their crazy attitudes and mood swings. As a matter of fact, I'm even used to badly behaved kids because said little brother has a lot of developmental and behavorial issues that make him an absolutely uncontrollable bear. At the same time, even though he wasn't MY kid, I was well aware that there were places we didn't go because he was a young child and because we knew it would keep his attention or that he would disturb other people. When we did go places with him, we made sure he knew better not to knock into people or if he did, by accident, to apologize. We made sure he knew his manners and could be at least semi-well-behaved.

Unfortunately, though, I don't know if there will ever be a common ground. Because those parents will never see their behavoir as rude and will never teach their kids that it's rude. And they'll always look down on people who want a simple amount of respect because they see having their kids as entitlement. Having kids does not make you special, it just gives means you have a different lifestyle.

I will never expect children to act like an adult in all situations and you shouldn't either. But you shouldn't expect them to act like civilized people and if you going to places where that just isn't going to happen, then leave them at home or stay home all together.

I don't expect much, I just expect a little of respect and common courtesy from others. Is that so much to ask?

This is going to be a boring what's been going on with my life post, but don't worry, I have another decent one coming soon.

I got a bit distracted. A week ago, I left for Orlando to attend a conference put on by the vendor of our core banking and deposit system. I was asked to go the Friday before, so it was only SLIGHTLY last minute ^note sarcasm^ But I was flattered, nonetheless, that I was asked to go and a bit nervous because I was traveling with people I barely knew and would be with them for four days and away from Steve for the first time since we moved in together. In the end, it was a very informative and very fun time.

We stayed at The Walt Disney World Swan and Dolphin resort, which was absolutely gorgeous! It was a short walk away from the Disney boardwalk and we could see Epcot from there. Since we were in conferences all day, there wasn't any taking in of Disney or Epcot or any of the parks. I could see the Tower of Terror from my hotel room - that was as much of Disney that I got.

Corporate cards are an awesome asset in a place like this. We ate at some really good restaurants. Japanese the first night, with karaoke, a place called the Blue Zoo, which was a really trendy seafood type restaurant, and an AMAZING Italian restaurant. All of the "networking" parties after the sessions had free alcohol. We had alcohol with dinner. We went to a dueling pianos bar one night and hung out with a guy from one of the companies we use and in the corporate world, it's good networking apparently for them to pay for our drinks. The conference had a very fun "through the decades" type party on the last night, with more free food and alcohol and music from the fifties all the way up.

We took "to go" cups with our alcohol in it everywhere, we explored the grotto pool and waterslide at one in the morning when we so weren't supposed to be there because it was closed and we even hijacked some swan boats long after they had been put to bed for the night.

I had such a fun time but by the time we returned on Thursday night, I was exhausted! I haven't pushed myself that hard in a long time.

Last week I was busy at work, rolling out new software and new machines and generally catching up on the four days I missed. Also, Steve's parents visited last weekend so we spent the time showing them around and touring the area. We had a really good time with them and it's always fun to have visitors down.

This weekend was just sort of low key. Friday night, we took of to Myrtle Beach to celebrate my brother's birthday. Had dinner at Wild Wings and the food was really, really good. Unfortunately, we had to drive home Friday night because Steve had to be at work early Saturday morning. The trip down 17 at midnight on the weekend is a rough trip - I saw one line of reflectors for miles and blackness everywhere and had to fight to stay awake.

Saturday I slept in for the first time in awhile and it felt good. I got up and cleaned the house. We then went to dinner at Sticky Fingers, which has sort of become our new favorite restaurant. We drove over to Folly Beach to find the pier over there and just cruise around in the Jeep with the top off (it was a beautiful weekend to do that!). I dragged Steve to the bookstore for more books that I didn't need but wanted because I've finished the ones I bought a few weeks ago. We then saw Snakes on a Plane, which was everything you'd expect, nothing more and such a fun, fun movie to watch.

Got up early today and went fishing. Well, Steve fished and I had sat on the pier and relaxed and read while enjoying the breeze and just being outside. I really enjoy doing that because it's so relaxing! We packed up around 3 o'clock and went and rented some movies for the week and got Arby's for dinner (we're so classy!). I fell asleep watching Scary Movie 4 and have pretty much been sitting on the Internet since then.

That's all - we've been busy but it's been a good time. I still feel a bit removed, as I always do after traveling, but things are falling back into order.

Oh, I have a Vox account now - I've been using it to answer the Question of the Day and talk about mostly entertainment stuff so I don't clutter this place up. But if you're interested, it's here: kallure.vox.com

I never meant to be gone so long. I was in Orlando for pretty much all of last week for a conference for work. Networking and learning new things pretty much 24/7. It exhausted me mentally, physically and emotionally.

We also had family in to visit this past weekend. It was a lot of fun and we enjoyed their visit but it's always a lot more activity than we're used to.

I'll be back a little later this week. I just need some time to regroup and get my life back to normal.

As a sixteen year old girl, I found the best way to scare the living crap out of your mother is to hijack her book of baby names and claim them as your own.

Looking back, it probably didn't send off the best signals. But I was thirteen when my little brother was born and I would spend the rest of my middle and high school years writing stories. Novels, short fiction, blurbs, whatever you want to call them. And when you spend your free time wrapping yourself into your own little fantasy world where you call the shots and every character is yours, baby name books are like a treasure chest.

It was mere innocence. I was using them for research. For reference. For finding the perfect combination of names to fit my brooding heroine or handsome and romantic hero. I'm sure for years my mother suspected otherwise because while she knew I was writing, I never let her touch my stories.

Because of my stories, I've always been fascinated with names and how just the right or wrong one can screw up the character and completely change the course of your story.

I wish mothers would realize that the same applies to your children. I know that in a medieval fantasy, odd names might work. I know that a modern character might not be taken as seriously if her name were Osthryth or Alefreda, because seriously, why would anyone in their right mind want a name reminiscent of a pasta sauce?

Naming your kids can be tricky. There are so many factors to consider. I used to think a lot about what I'd name my kids. It was only natural because I spent a lot of time naming my characters and I understood the significance of names. How they can fit personalities and reflect peoples characters. And incite teasing or define individuality. Or not.

Even to this day, I wouldn't want my kids to be a first name, initial kid. You know, like Sarah S. or Sarah M. Because there are five or six other Sarah's in their class. But to be honest, considering the trendy names of kids today, I could probably get away with naming my daughter Sarah and her being the only one among six or seven Madison's or Isabelle's or Olivia's.

It's odd how the names I like high school became so popular. I loved Aidan for a boy, but it seems there are so many of them out there. I liked Madison for a girl. And Isabella. We all know how those turned out. For awhile, I loved Antonia Rose. I fell in love with that name after watching Practical Magic (Sally's daughter was named Antonia) and to this day, haven't run into many Antonias. But at the same time, Antonia never really flowed with the last names of boyfriends that I'd pair with it (because every girl can fantasize, right?).

I even went through a period of time where I hated all normal spellings. I spelled names with Y's instead of I's or E's. My name was Krysty or Krystynn, instead of Kristy or Kristen. Or K's instead of C's. Rebekah, Jessika, Nikole. I see so much of that now. Those poor children will never know how to write an I or an E because their names are Cyndee Mackynzi Nykole.

My own name never particularly fascinated me. It always conjured up images of ditzy cheerleaders and such. Plus, some of the nicknames were never that nice. Aside from it all, no one could ever spell or pronounce it right. I can't tell you how many times in my life I got Christy, Kristi, Kristie, Christie, Chrissy, Christine, Christen, or Krissy. I got to the point where unless it mattered, I didn't correct people. It was rather exhausting.

For the longest time, my mother told me I was supposed to be Jennifer Dawn or Kristen Dawn, but at the last minute, they decided to name me after my father, Lynn (his real name is Ronald Lynn, but he's been known as Lynn his whole life). I felt that made me special. It gave me a special connection to him, to someone I looked up and admired. It kind of sucked when he married his second wife, named Krystal Lynn (both for personal and legal reasons because our names were so close and we were so close in age - eight years, yea, Dad robbed the cradle) and they had two little girls whom they worked Lynn into their names - Alexandria Lynn and Tresalynn Marie. And then they got divorced and she remarried and had another daughter named Maylynnda Marie (weird much?). So the novelty of that name wore thin for me and I don't think I could go anywhere near it if I had to.

When my little brother was born, I suggested we name him Nicholas Ryan or Nicholas Ashton, because it was a character I had been working on for awhile and I really loved the name. I thought Nicholas was elegant and regal and strong. My mother and father agreed, up until my mom mentioned that we would call him Nicky when he was young and then shorten it to Nick or call him Nicholas (I always preferred the full version). My father nixed that idea because Nicky sounded too girly to him. Therefore, we went with Tyler Ashton because Tyler was their second choice. Ashton was long before that punk got popular and was in no reference to him. It was actually my parents male version of Ashley, in honor of where they met and fell in love, West Ashley.

I don't know if Steve and I will ever have kids. And just as a side note to all the family members reading this, I am not pregnant. I don't plan on being pregnant anytime soon. This isn't leading to anything, it's just me rambling about stupid crap while watching horrible TV and being terribly bored. Reagardless, while I don't know if we ever will have kids, we've been together long enough for me to not consider anyone else if it ever does happen, so when thinking about stupid shit like this, it's only natural to add his last name to my combinations.

I'm currently fixated on having the middle names of my children (one boy and one girl, naturally) be Cooper and Ashley, after the two main rivers that converge around the peninsula of Charleston. Cheesy, I know, but I'm attached to them because we both started a brand new life here and I thought it would be meaningful. I love Addison for a girl and I'm still in love with Aidan. So it would be Addison Ashley and Aidan Cooper. How much more pretentious could I be? *barfs* :-)

I also fell in love with Saoirse, which is a Gaelic name meaning "freedom" and is pronounced Seer-sha. I thought it was gorgeous the first time I heard it but seriously, I had to look up the spelling. How the hell do you think a five-year-old is going to be able to spell it? I've seen many people spell it phonetically, like Seersha or Searsha, which works but I can still see teachers butchering it. And at the same time, I think that choosing a name like that and then spelling it phoenetically instead of the way it's supposed to be spelled sort of takes away from the significance and meaning of it all.

Another one I heard from a friend was Reverly. I thought I had misheard her at first until she nodded and smiled and said it was like Beverly, only with an R. I said I had never heard it before and that it was pretty and unique. She said her friend had named her daughter that and it was a good Southern name. Regardless of what it is, I thought it was pretty but my commitment to it is still up in the air.

If there is anyone after my own heart about the confusion of names, talk to Tara. Her named is pronounced TAH-rah, not TARE-ah or Terra. She has a rant about on her page. She is serious, ya'll, but I'm sure she'll sympathiz with me on this. :-)

The funniest name issue I have is that if Steve and I ever get married, my new name will be the same. As in, his last name is pronounced the same as my first. Out of respect for privacy, I'm not going to go into major detail but let's just say that being something similar to Lucy Lucy or Gail Gale is not very appealing, both personally and professionally. Steve finds it hysterical and says that's one of the conditions for getting married. All fun and games for him because he's not the one who can shorten his married to one word or to [name]-squared. But I'll take it in stride. I just find it pretty funny that I ended up in that situation.

So that's my long boring rant and rumination on baby names. It's something that's always fascinated me and while I'm no where near having to be really concerned about it, it's enough to fill up a blog entry and inspire people to think. So what do you think?

I'll be sure to check back to this entry for reference if I ever do have children. Maybe I'll still have my little yuppies, Addison Ashley and Aiden Cooper. Maybe they'll be weird names like Rainflower and Sunshine and Leaf. Maybe I'll go traditional like Sarah or Rebecca or Joseph or Luke. (God knows, THOSE would be the most individual names in school by the time my kids grow up)

Or maybe I'll just go with Brandine and Cletus. They have a nice lovely ring to them.